I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
