After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
