I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
