I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
