Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
