So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
