You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This girl is more easily done than said...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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