He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
