my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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