He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
