What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
