I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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