I am spending my child support on dildos
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
