Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
