I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize