was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
