Whats the glycemic index on semen?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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