i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
