The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
