I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
