bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
