New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
