goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
