I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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