I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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