Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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