Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
