Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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