Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
