I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
