dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
