Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
