he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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