he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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