I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
