Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
