what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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