dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
