Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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