Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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