Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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