I've blown a few things in my day
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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