my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
