Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You are a genius and a whore.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
