your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
