Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
