I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
