sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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