I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
