one word: firstdatebathroomanal
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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