Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
