I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
