We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize