I wish I could teleport
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Shame - the story of my life.
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