You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I supernannyed him into submission
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
