ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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