Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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