Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
