shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
