mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize