On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This toilet bowl is my home.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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