She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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