If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
