Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
