smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
