you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
