You just made me feel so damn special
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
