just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
