I wish my penis had an off switch
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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