Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
