I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
