omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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