I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize