Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
