i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
