i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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