Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
