Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
