My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize