The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
