I'm lost and stupid without you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
try to milk me bitch
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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