what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
