I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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